How to Change Negative Thinking with the Power of Affirmations

I’m so stupid! I will always be alone! I am weak! No one likes me! People can’t be trusted! Nothing ever goes right! 

Do any of these sound familiar to you? Chances are, you have said one of these statements to yourself. You might not have used these exact words but I bet that you have said something to yourself that sounded like the essence of these statements. You’re not alone unfortunately. These statements are called negative core beliefs.

What are Core Beliefs?

Core beliefs are ideas about ourselves and the world that are hidden in our unconscious.  Emphasis on the word UNCONSCIOUS. We usually have no idea that they are at play because if we did, we’d know how to get rid of them or not listen to them. Everything begins with a thought. Thoughts are energy. They give life to your life. Think about it, a thought created this blog. The thought of needing money, caused you to figure out how to make money. The thought of wanting a clean house might cause you to clean your house. These are basic examples but you get the gist. Thoughts create feelings, feelings create actions and action creates our reality. 

So when does it become negative?

Well it becomes destructive when your thoughts create distressing feelings which cause unhelpful action or no action at all. So what does that look like? Are you tired and feel stuck at your current position but you also don’t want to interview for another position or go back to school? (I won’t get the job or get into school because I’m not good enough or I’m too old) What about if you’re lonely and want a partner but don’t want to go on a dating app or talk to a person at the bar who’s clearly flirting with you? (No one likes me. What’s the point of putting myself out there.)  What about wanting to go on a vacation but you have no one to go with so you just don’t go? (The world/people can’t be trusted. I’m going to be murdered if I go somewhere alone) What if you have a talent for singing and you’re really good at it but are terrrifed that you will bomb the open mic event that your friend signed you up for? (No one will like the performance. I’m going to bomb the performace) This is how a negative core belief can run the show/your world without you even knowing it. Usually core beliefs are VERY inaccurate but it still shapes how we show up in the world. It can cause us to play small! 

Where do negative core beliefs come from?

They usually come from messages we received in our childhood. Children are so incredibly innocent and have no idea of the complexities of the world. So everything that happens to them is a direct result of who they think they are. For example, if a child grew up in a single parent household, and their absentee parent came around inconsistently, the child might believe that they caused the inconsistency of their absentee parent. “If I didn’t spill ice cream on the new shirt mommy bought for me, she would be around more often. She was really mad at me when I spilled it”. 

Now as an adult, we know this IS NOT TRUE, but that’s because our brain is fully developed as an adult and we know not to take those situations personally. But a child’s brain isn’t fully developed and SUPER concrete!  What if people called you sensitive when you expressed your feelings as a child? Chance are, you started to believe that you are weak and so now you don’t show your feelings as a way to be strong. 

What is an affirmation?

So now that we discussed what negative core beliefs are, how they are formed and how they can cause us distress, what do we do about it? Affirmations are statements that are positive and present focused that help us change our narratives about who we are. It can stop unconscious self sabotaging by focusing us on how we want to show up in the world. Just like negative core beliefs shape our reality, so can affirmations. Just like we can unconsciously believe negative core beliefs, we can choose to consciously believe in positive affirmations.

How to use affirmations?

Affirmations can be vocalized, said privately to yourself, written down on post-its and/or on the home screen of your smartphone. Affirmations should be written in first person and present tense. For example, I am deserving and worthy of love. I AM is first person and present tense. The second part of the statement is what you want to bring more into your life. This affirming thought will impact your feelings (feeling more loving/open/receptive) which will impact how you show up in the world (might talk to that cute person that just smiled at you because you are feeling open and receptive). Are you following me? Thoughts are energy and we do have the power to change how we feel about ourselves. 

At first, when speaking affirmations, you may not believe them. It might feel stupid of an excerise to do but with intentional practice, you will see the results. It’s the same process as wanting to lose weight by going to the gym. The first couple of weeks, you might not see results but if you keep it up, you will see the pounds drop. If you keep up the practice of using affirmations, you will see the difference. You just have to believe that you deserve it and that you are worthy of feeling better. Just like losing weight takes discipline and hard work, so does changing your negative mindset. 

If you find yourself having a hard time believing in affirmations, ask yourself why? Why are you a person who is not deserving of love or a job that makes you feel accomplished and purposeful? Why are you not meant to be confident, strong or powerful? Chances are your negative core beliefs are running the show. That’s ok….these are HARD af habits to break. Be gentle with yourself and keep up the practice because you DESERVE IT AND ARE WORTHY! When you acknowledge that your negative core beliefs have taken over, you can choose to overwrite it with an affirmation. This takes courage and conviction. Take your time with this and be patient and kind with yourself. 

If you want ideas on affirmations to use in your day to day, check out my Instagram page. You can find the page by clicking on the IG symbol at the bottom of the website page or you can search for @sacredsolacetherapy and follow me.

With much love and light, I celebrate you reading this article. What do you think about affirmations? Have you found them easy or difficult? Have you noticed a change in your life after incorporating affirmations? I want to hear from you!